did you ever look at a picture?…

I’m one of those people who didn’t like to have her picture taken. I had tons of excuses, but I think what it really boiled down to was I thought I was unattractive, and I didn’t want that immortalized on film. In this age of digital photography, where everyone with a cell phone also now has a camera in easy reach, I’ve gotten used to having my picture taken, but I still don’t like the pictures, usually.

so yesterday, before I headed out on my weekend bike ride, I took a selfie (something I rarely do, btw) because I was trying to motivate myself to work towards my exercise goal for this month. and when I got home from my ride, I uploaded the picture and made it my facebook profile.

and now I keep catching myself looking at this picture, of me in a bike helmet, with dark sunglasses on, and smiling, and I keep thinking “this is not what I really look like, is it?” I don’t know if it’s because of the sunglasses, and not being able to see my eyes, but this picture is not who I see when I see myself in the mirror. The woman in the picture – yeah, just the smile alone would explain why she gets men noticing her on the bike trail.

But I have some weird disconnect in my head, because I don’t see myself as being that attractive and noticeable. It’s like the picture is of somebody else, and not me.

And yet, it seems to be what other people see when they look at me.

I’m really not sure where I’m going with this. It’s just thoughts that have been jumbled in my head since yesterday morning and I need to get them out, because I have other things I need to think about.


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