sleepless night

I finally went to sleep around 3, after writing in my journal incoherently for over an hour. Slept until 6:30 when WH’s alarm went off. Stayed in bed but was awake until 8, then slept again until after 10. Good thing I didn’t have to be anywhere this morning.

I know what’s setting me off is that we’re less than 2 weeks away from the 6 month from d-day mark. Oh yeah, which also happens to be our 19th wedding anniversary. Lucky me, d-day was the anniversary of when husband and I met. Since we didn’t want to get married in September, we used the 6 month mark to set our wedding date. So we’d have two anniversaries a year to celebrate. Now both dates are tainted, forever.

Last year our anniversary was a freaking disaster, only I didn’t know why. Just knew that husband absolutely didn’t want to be with me that day and we had the most unpleasant dinner out that night.

This year I know why last year was so horrible. Which of course means I have absolutely no desire to celebrate this anniversary at all.

If I could sleep, I’d love to just sleep the next few weeks away and pretend they don’t exist.

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